On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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