i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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