I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
