i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So much Jack, so little girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
