Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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