Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
