just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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