Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
