if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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