I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
