You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
