Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
