Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
