i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
