Buhtt sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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