every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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