i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
