Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
