3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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