Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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