If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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