you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
