just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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