i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
