I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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