it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
