You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
