I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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