So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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