Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
