I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
