Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
