Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
