the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
