I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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