It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize