and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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