My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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