??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
