so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
