I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
