How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
handjob tips. give me some.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize