They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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