I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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