The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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