Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
