don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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