Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
