why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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