She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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