I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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