Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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