my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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