im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
