I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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