my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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