My first STD was from a foam party
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
