Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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