I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
