ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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